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Paul Daniels |
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posted by
dibbie
6:09:04
5:40pm
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There has been some tragic news today that many people have probably over looked.
It seems that Paul Daniels has been touring Britain with his magic show and the "lovely" Debbie McGee. They have been trying to revive the glory of the 70's and 80's and hopefully secure a special or even a TV series but box office reciepts have been disappointing and times have been desperate for the showbiz couple.
In a tragic development the couple have made things worse by crashing their tour bus and trailer which was carrying the now legendary "Bunco Booth". The booth was used by Daniels to show how the early forms of street magic such as "Find the lady" and "Cups and peas" were con tricks used to defraud the public.
During the accident the booth is known to have fallen on top of three pedestrians. Two bodies have been recovered but Daniels remains tight-lipped on the where-abouts of the third claiming "I've never really understood how that trick works"
Police are baffled and entertained by the disappearence.
Daniels: Fucking clueless
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Horses, Men, Distance and Dust |
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posted by
dibbie
5:09:04
7:29pm
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Dave Gorman was great.
To celebrate here are some facts inspired by the motion picture "Hidalgo" starring Aragorn from Lord of the Rings and his horse (Omar Sharif):
1) Hidalgo, like Seabiscuit is about a horse but so was Black Beauty and that sucks fat ass.
2) Whilst Hidalgo is based on a true story the filmmakers thought it best to keep it's length down to 130 minutes instead of the 68 days that the race actually took. When asked about this director Joe Johnston replied "68 days for a movie? Are you serious? Hang on... Is that you again you little wanker? I told you before that if you keep calling I'm going to have you arrested!"
3) Court injunctions are very serious and breaking them can lead to time in prison
4) Hidalgo was deemed to be such a sure-fire money maker for Disney that it seemed to entirely miss the cinema and go straight to DVD.
5) Lawyers are expensive
6) I am not a stalker, I'm just genuinely interested.
Coming soon: Masturbating now! |
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Wait a mo |
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posted by
dibbie
30:08:04
5:43pm
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When did I get a blog? What's going on?!!
Oh yeah...
I got it ages ago didn't I.
Ok, stop panicking. How is everyone?
Errrr...
I had a weird experience earlier - I ordered the DVD of an event which hasn't even happened yet. It's odd as hell knowing that you have bought something on which you could potentially appear. I've bought things relating to events which haven't happened before - bus and train tickets for example - but I have never paid for the imprinted representation of a future event.
I suppose this makes me a bit of a time traveller and if I don't end up on the DVD I will be very disappointed!
The DVD in question is Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure which is to be filmed for the DVD on Thursday and Che as bought tickets.
See ya soon
Weirdo |
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The BIG Issue |
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posted by
dibbie
30:07:04
5:40pm
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Hello
I, unlike some others, haven't forgotten that a regular blog is a happy blog so I'm back for a little more anarchy and fum.
This week I have been ripping my CD collection to transfer on to my mp3 player. In the interests of science here are a random (but not Jennifer "13 Going on Ugly" Garner) 5 tracks from that collection as suggested by winamp:
1) The Streets - Such a Twat
2) Sinéad O'Connor - The Emporer's New Clothes
3a) Kyuss - Molten Universe
3b) Peter Gabriel - Sledgehammer
4(i)) The Pogues - A Pair of Brown Eyes
f) Stone Sour - Monolith
The question is; what do all of these songs have in common?
Yes, that's right, they are all written by Men (or women). Here then are some facts about men:
1) Men differ from women in many ways. The most noticable of these is an inate ability to drive sensibly and an aversion to the colour pink (some men don't even know there is more than one shade of pink)
2) When a woman is born the child is refered to as a girl, when a man is born he's a man of means/Then along come two and they've got nothing but their jeans
3) It takes different strokes to rule the world (yes it does)
4) Who said that behind every great man there's a great woman? Was it you? Well, was it?? If it was award yourself 2 points but think carefully about your answer; does it still hold true if the great man is Michael Barrymore or Fred Dinenage?
Dinenage at home yesterday.
5) See 3 (ooooh)
I hope this has helped you. If not just smile and walk away slowly. Any false movements could result in skanking |
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Team Spandex Forever - WeeMeet 2004 |
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posted by
dibbie
12:07:04
6:00pm
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Lo
It would seem that I am the first to blog about the wonderous event of the weekend.
Wee-Meet 2004: The birth of Spandex
We got there late - I think it's fair to say that. The deal was this:
iPete (the official driver) was going to pick us up from Swansea at 9am which would mean getting to London at about 2pm - fair enough. Pete fell asleep...
At about 11am he turned up. I can't blame the lad, he was doing us a huge favour anyway and he does live closer to London than he does Swansea. We grabbed our things and were on our way.
It was an arduous journey that went on forever - you know what it's like when you are travelling. It was made a little easier by way of Audioslave, Lost Prophets, Reel Big Fish, The Eagles, Ms Mary-Lynne Monsoon, crisps, Vanilla Coke and a Ploughman's sandwich. Eventually we arrived in Enfield (just outside London) and prepared ourselves for some subterranian travel.
I'm a bit of a n00b when it comes to London so I decided the best thing to do would be to put on a worried expression and do whatever Che told me to do. It worked out pretty well. We got on a couple of underground (or "Chewb") trains, Che sat obliviously next to Roger Lloyd-Pack (Only Fools and Horses' own Trigger) and within the hour we were outside Namco (where I took a couple of photos) and about to meet a bunch of people we only know from their writing style!
As we went in we were met by a mega-babe asking how we were. "I'm gonna like it here" I thought, they have people who greet you like they have known you for ages. It turned out that the greeter was, in fact, none other than Queen of Self - there was only one thing I could say...
"Famke Janssen!"
And so ensued one of the weirdest and most brain-churningly interesting experiences ever. I hardly recognised anyone but that wasn't a huge problem because no-one seemed to recognise me either. (I was the guy with the beard who arrived with CheHamstera - No, I wasn't anyone's Dad! No, I wasn't Monkey's brother!). Somewhat bizarrely I did recognise Father Mahoo hoo shaboo despite never having seen his photograph (they steal the soul you know) and he knew who I was straight away too - I think it is due to the length of time we have Weebl'd.
To say that the rest of the party were a motley crew would be unkind (to motley crews). From an immediate scan I recognised...
...errr
...Comrade Penguin, Magpie and Oppy (along with the people I already knew and loved like the colonel, stavm, scrambled and foxy) but as to who the rest of them were I was a little unclear (still am a bit!)
Despite trying to avoid favouritism I have to big up a few folks:
Willbill - Brizzle accents are gurt
Sidneylopsides - Brevvity is a curse my friend, I hope we meet again soon.
Comrade Penguin - Too much Guinness = fun
Leeroy - No living person smiles more
I found a couple of shooty games and shot as many things as possible as quickly as possible. Unfortunately i was rubbish at one of them and went away sulking. I got some of the world's gayest footage when I filmed Scrambled and Work? dancing their cares away on the Dance Dance Revolution machine (which for some reason was on freeplay).
I suppose it would be prudent to mention a couple of things here:
1) We arrived late (though not as late as some)
2) There was booze
3) There were teens
4) There had been copious boozage before we even arrived
As a result of this lethal combination and a very drunk Hiddenpower err fella deciding to display the contents of his stomach to anyone who cared we were politely asked to leave... NOW!!!
Somewhere within all the action, strangeness, booze and vomit a new and wonderful force was created. An exclusive group who stand for undefined things and against undefinable other things... I speak, of course, of TEAM SPANDEX.
By this time we had been joined by a couple more people including Garg and Lottie so we all grouped up and went off in search of a cheap boozer. We succeeded. A short chewb journey later we were in Holbourn and ready to start drinking again. The plan was that we would enter the pub in small groups so that we didn't get turned away (it sounded like a good idea at the time but which pub is going to say "No, get out, you are planning on spending a load of money here and that isn't something we can allow")! Che and myself were more than a little peckish by this time so we shot off for a pizza and to meet up with an ex-Swansea friend of ours.
To be completely honest it was nice to get away for a while. I'm not complaining, I was having huge fun but it's like when you are at a house party and you are having a laugh and drinking away and then you go outside on your own for a bit to recharge your batteries - it was great. We relaxed a little ate our food and waited for Phil to turn up. He has been working stupid hours at Ascot so he was just as tired as us (if not a little more).
With Phil successfully in tow we hit the boozer. It wasn't very busy which was cool and meant that we weren't constantly waiting for drinks. It turned out that a couple more people had turned up while we were away including Destruckto (looking permanently puzzled) and Tikky (who described himself as "The actual fat controller").
Everyone got hammered. I drank Smirnoff Ice because the only cider was Blackthorne (guaranteed to make my mouth taste bad and my stomach produce copious bile). Some bird called Sebbywood drank woo-woos because s/he is young and can get away with that kind of thing, Che drank very little (although that might just be my imagination) and Phil took to some bizarre Belgian brew whose name escapes me. I had a little taste of it and wished I hadn't. I don't know what they do in Belgium but whatever it is they should stop!
The party broke up slowly after further pukage and when the bell tolled at 11pm we drifted off into our separate groups. Some drifted to their London homes, some to their hostels, others to their hotels, iPete to Kendal(!) and the rest of us (the colonel, FMHS, QoS, Work? and stav) back to Scrambled and Foxy's - The official headquarters of TEAM SPANDEX - were we attempted to cause as much Spandefication as possible. This resulted in a couple of threads being deleted, all of us being kicked and banned from IRC for a while and Work? being banned for a day - Excellent work Work.
It got late, we got drunker and sleepier and soon most of us were off to never-neverland. Most except me. Now, I know I got some sleep because Che told me that she did strange things to me to stop me from snoring (I won't go into here - use your imagination... Actually don't) but it certainly seemed that I was awake for most of the night. I tossed and turned... well... I turned, we were in polite company! The morning came quickly and passed too quickly for me. Within what felt like minutes we had eaten toast (lovingly prepared and provided by Spanfox and Scramdex) laughed our collective bollocks off to fensler films' GI Joe cartoons, drunk our tea and were packed, out of the house and on our way to Victoria station!
We travelled home on the megabus which, if you are a Brit, is something you NEED to experience. Basically it is a double decker bus that travels from London to a number of locations. It costs next to nothing (£5 from London to Swansea) with a 50 pence booking fee. You get what you pay for though...
The bus was packed and the route plan was this:
London
Cardiff
Cardiff stop 2
Swansea
Swansea University
Now it doesn't take a genius to work out that the majority of people would be getting off at Cardiff so for almost all of the journey (for the sake of argument 3 and 3/4 hours of a 4 and 1/2 hour journey) you will be cramped up and uncomfortable. Somehow Che got some sleep and despite my best efforts I managed to get about 10 seconds. Shortly after getting on to the bus (having missed the chance to buy any food or drink) I discovered that I had left my MP3 player on all day yesterday so my batteries were as flat as a pancake that has just been run over by an elephant in a steam roller. A whole journey without music and an already bored Dibbie - things could have got very nasty indeed. Fortunately for humanity I was too tired to care and Che lent me her CD player for a while (and that is why I love her).
We got back and couldn't face cooking. We were both shattered, smelly, hungry and devestatingly gorgeous so we went to the boozer for some pube grub. It was delicious but had they come out of the kitchen carrying a tray full of rotting human flesh I would have dived into it and complimented the chef. Afterwards we went home and went to bed.
It was a great weekend and I'm glad we didn't miss it. If you did miss it then I would advise that you invent a time machine and try to turn up. There is stuff I have missed out that would probably have turned your hair white but later, when i have had time, I will be updating with photos - if not in this blog then in a separate one.
Team Spandex will never be forgotten, neither will the irony of being thrown out of Namco because someone puked and not because Sexcopter someone was groping everyone and everything in sight.
In conclusion:
If I'd been in that water there... Dead
Love to all that came especially the aforementioned TEAM SPANDEX |
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Random Link: |
Nebulus
Flash verion of fantastic C64 game |
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