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Me love you long time. |
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posted by
ZekeyLizard
12:01:05
4:41am
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”How goes it Mr.Zekey?”
Ach! Not so good, Billy. Some new people moved in across the street. I don’t trust them.
Why not, Mr.Zekey?
Because I have watched them pile dead bodies outside their house. Hundreds of them. Then they just wait until the garbage truck rolls around and picks them up. Its not natural to have that much garbage, Billy.
Wanna buy some lemonade Mr.Zekey?
Don’t you mean “Do you want to buy some calories in a can”? Your attempts to assassinate me with sugary delicious liquids are pathetic at best! You have ten seconds to run before I set the parrot on ya.
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Yo-ho-diddly all you folks and folkettes. And welcome once again to another fascinating rendition of my blog! This week we have “Anger, rage, sarcasm, very poor wit, and the occasional joke all wrapped up in a repetitive writing style that burns the retinas!” Yaaaaay!
First things first. I recently acquired Metal Slug Advance. And it has rekindled my love of Metal Slug. If you have an Xbox you WILL buy Metal Slug3 and if you have a game boy you WILL buy Metal Slug advanced. He who doth not obey the slug is a F00L!!!
Yes, indeed. Now secondly, at the end of this blog entry I shall placing a few links to good entertaining websites. And now....? The boring stuff:
My winter vacation from college started a week later then most academies. Thus I started back yesterday. What did I do yesterday? English Composition! Which I can see is going to be just as mind numbingly boring as my old math course. I slept throughout the entirety of the class. I get to do an essay about myself and 6 current event summaries. Isn’t that lovely? Luckily, I am quite good with essays as I have mastered the skill of “b-s-ing” and writing “pointless fluff” which means I could probably hammer out an essay about absolutely nothing within a few minutes.
No class on Tuesdays, which is nice. I spent today remixing one of my favorite songs from “Yoshi’s Island” and sending it to people over MSN messenger. By the way, my MSN messenger name (due to MSN being crap) is the same name as my email address. Fololo311@aol.com
As for the song I remixed, well, if there was a place that hosted mp3's for free like Imageshack.us does for images, I would link it here. But alas. There is none.
But this does not mean you will never hear the song. I am most certain I shall use it in one of my Flash animations. Which reminds me! I completed my latest animation. And people are responding to it very well! Which I hoped they would as I have been working on it for like 2-and-a-half friggin months! Now I shall link you all to it.
THE RED WAR - click and watch this cartoon. I DEMAND IT.
Now that that’s done. It is time for stories that will depress you horribly. Wont this be fun? Most of these are from my favorite publication: News of the Weird.
Police in Denton, Texas, arrested two teenagers in October and charged them with robbing two visitors who were passing through town from Montana; the victims said they were on their way to Baton Rouge, La., because they needed money and had read on the Internet that a medical school would pay $100,000 for testicles.
In October, as part of the government's vigorous "social order" anti-drug campaign, dozens of police officers in Bangkok, Thailand, raided the trendy Q Bar late on Saturday night and locked it down, detained the nearly 400 customers, and passed out plastic cups so that each one could submit to an on-the-spot urinalysis. Said the bar's manager, "(The raid is) pretty much an annual event. It's a little bit like Christmas."
In November, Jens Orback, Sweden's minister for integration and gender equality, who had been under fire for not being aggressive on the job, denied on the radio program "Ekot" that he was intolerant of sexual minorities. Said Orback: "I had a wonderful aunt who lived in Canada with a horse. I thought it was wonderful. Let people live as they wish." Later, attempting to explain himself, Orback insisted that the aunt's relationship with the horse was platonic.
A 39-year-old man in Chillicothe, Ohio, was hospitalized in December after an unsuccessful suicide attempt that accidentally blew his own house to pieces and did heavy damage to neighboring homes. The man had turned on the natural gas to kill himself, but then realized that other houses might be in danger, and just as he dashed to the basement to turn off the electricity, the house exploded (probably from an electrical spark) and was leveled. A month before, the man had tried to kill himself with automobile exhaust and a garden hose, but his car ran out of gas before he could die, and he then hooked up a propane tank for the same purpose, but once again, he outlived his fuel supply.
And a 20-year-old man suffered only minor injuries after driving his car through a fifth-floor wall of a parking garage and landing inside the second floor of a store at the Shoppes of Sunset Place in South Miami (December).
Yes.
Sad isn’t it?
Mankind is degrading faster than a newly opened bag of old cheese.
But now for something a bit more cheery! Huttah!
I present: THE COMICS THAT MAKE NO SENSE by Nathan Malone. Enjoy.
Weren’t those lovely? I’ll be back in a week or so with more comics that don’t make sense. I’ll get you people addicted to those if it’s the last thing I doooooooo.
And now as we near the end of painfully uninteresting blog entry, I feel the time has come once again for me to post links to really good websites that you all should visit:
Stupid Videos - Lots of hilarity and small file sizes to watch the hilarity.
Gorillaz.com - the music artists and their studio.
In-Flash - like Newgrounds but less shitty and with fewer dumbass preteens.
TXMafia.com - a world of good cartoons run by the gentleman, Monsieur Kev-Nuu.
Creatures In My Head - A website of an artist of many talents.
Exploding Dog - a artist with a wiggy style.
Devoted Bee - great drawings and lovely comics.
Threebrain.com - One of my favorite Flash websites. This guy is so awesome. Threebrain! :-O
and that is all for this edition of “Zekey’s Crappy Blog”
Zekey Out! |
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You'll gain pounds faster than a cockney bank-robber! |
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posted by
ZekeyLizard
5:01:05
4:30am
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Right-O! Today, I am going to show you guys the typical day in my life. But rather than write it out in my typical boring narrative, I am going to do it through a small series of tiny ‘entertaining’ pictures! These will help give you insight into my exciting adventurous life.
First I wake up. Which is easy as I barely sleep.
I then have a healthy balanced breakfast.
Then I go to work.
Then it’s off to animation college.
I then come home.
Afterwards I see how my art on the internet is doing.
Then my buddies (and fellow cartoonists), Nim% and CloudNeroZ arrive!
And we do all sorts of strange fun things...
And then we are attacked by aliens. The End.
But in all due seriousness. The other day me, Nim, and Cloudnero were all wondering around a Wal-Mart. Wandering Wal-Marts is an odd yet fun activity. I suggest trying it if you are bored. As we wandered about we found ourselves in the potato-chip aisle. We tried to leave but everyone was blocked by an old woman. She had become frightened by something in the “salsa section” and needed a security guard to escort her through the next 4 meters or so. She was old. Like 90-100, and she moved at about 3 inches per hour at a very slow shuffle. Nim took one look at her and (yes I realize how horrible this sounds) whispered “Oh God! Just fall into your grave already!”
Needless to say we were shocked and disgusted and beat Nim senseless with sausages and hot-dog bread.
I finally got a Nintendo DS! Hell Yeah! And I love it already. It can read my old damaged Game Boy Advance cartridges which is lovely. All I need now is “Feel the Magic DS” and “Metal Slug Advance” and I will be a happy camper.
Nintendo themselves made an interesting announcement the other day about their next home console. Apparently it will have no “A” or “B” buttons. This worries me. I know Nintendo like to be innovative. But too much innovation could equal multiplatform games being available only to PS3 and XBox2 owners. Lets hope Nintendo’s creativity doesn’t became madness and folly.
Also. Yesterday me, Nim, and Cloud went to see the new Phantom of the Opera movie. It kicked ass. They did great casting. Everyone could sing (or pretend to sing) amazingly well. Some very talented lungs in this movie. The choreography, the music, the sets, the costumes. It was all near perfect. Some of the lip syncing in some scenes was just a little bit off, but the coolness factor made it gnarly. I DEMAND that everyone reading this blog go see that movie right now. Never read “Phantom of the Opera” before? It don’t matter! Go see it anyway and culture yourself.
In other news, it appears the music industry has reached a new low. Despite being exposed for what she is, a fraud, Ashley Simpson is still singing her shitty music loud and proud at football games here in America. Who the hell keeps letting this chick into stadiums and onto television? Everyone hates her music, and knows she’s a fake, why is she still here? Who keeps giving her contracts? And also, why must I see Paris Hilton every time I turn on the television? WHY? WHY WHY WHY???
I hate Paris Hilton. She is a brainless rich blonde bimbo who’s only claim to fame is that she was caught having sex on tape. And was she punished for this? No, she was rewarded by the media. She is everywhere. She is ugly, has no redeeming qualities, and now she has apparently copyrighted the phrase “That’s Hot” because she has too much time on her hands. Well as my own special way of saying “Fuck you, Paris Hilton you spoiled whore” I am going to write out her so-called copyrighted phrase a gigantic pile of times. Here I gooooo:
That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot.
That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot.
That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot.
That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot.
That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot.
That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot.
That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot.
That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot. That’s Hot.
There.
I fully well realize the American media couldn’t care less about my sad little blog. But it needs to be done. These people are scum. And I would not hesitate to shreik “That’s Hot! LOOK AT ME! Shouting your moronic copyrighted phrase!” straight into Paris’ face. And I would not hesitate to scream “You suck! You can’t sing! Get the hell off the stage and let Aerosmith play!” straight at Ashley Simpson or Justin Timberlake either.
Rant over.
In other news, the CD I got for Christmas, “The Best of Steppenwolf” is now currently my favorite album to listen to. Now it can sit next to “The Who” and “Billy Idol” on the office shelf providing sweet rocking sounds to all near and far.
Now it is time for me new special section of the blog called:
Ways Nintendo Can Redeem Themselves in the Console Market for 2005/2006
1. Make sure your system has a cool design. The cube was cute. But it was purple. C’mon, Nintendo! PURPLE??!?!??!?
2. Make the controllers all wireless. Wires and cords for consoles are severly aggravating. They always get tied in knots, and they sometimes yank the system right off the shelf where it crashes to the floor.
3. Get a cool slogan. I suggest bringing back the old “Get N or Get Out” slogan as it is quite cool.
4. Launch titles. Good adventure game as a launch title. Luigi’s Mansion was an OK game. But it wasn’t the awesome platformer I was wanting. Super Smash Brothers 3 is a must. Everyone loves that game no matter how badly some may suck at it. And give it online play. Have a new MarioKart ready by the time the system launches too. Double-Dash is a great game, but the levels all seemed recycled from the N64 version of MarioKart. Let’s have something new and fresh. Give it online play too. Create a Network for people to play Nintendo games over. “Netendo” is a good name, I think.
5. Pokemon. It is your ace-in-the-hole as people love it, even if they are ashamed to admit it. What you did with the latest Pokemon stadium was a good idea. Combining “goths” and “pokemon” was a step in the right direction. Make it all dark and sci-fi. It needs a new fighting system though. Perhaps if one could have all 6 pokemon out at once in huge team battles, eh? A setup like the original “Breath of Fire” style of Team Play would be handy. Improve the graphics by A LOT. The last pokemon games for the Game Boy Advance looked very inferior.
6. Chances are the Xbox2 is going to have an awesome shooting game like Halo3 or something ready for the launch. You must have a game that is just as good if not better. Have Metroid Prime 3 ready by that time. Then advertize it like hell.
7. Screw connectivity. Its only fun if its wireless. Connecting the game-boy to the cube never seemed to help any games that used the function.
8. Beg Square-Enix to make an RPG launch title for you. Personally I’d suggest a new “Final Fantasy Tactics” as that game is long, requires a lot of strategy, and could be played online if “Netendo” is up and running. Think of it. People all over the world could group up and play Tactics across awesome huge boards. My God, it would be beautiful.
9. Give Mario his hammer back. He uses it in everything but his adventure games these days. I miss it. Bring it back, as I can think of nothing cooler for Mario to do then to run up to a Koopa and bash it in it’s face with a huge mallet.
10. Stop allowing Barbie and The Olsen Twins to make video games for your system. They may be games for small children but they are doing little other than rotting the minds of idiots and destroying your reputation.
11. Hydro Thunder. Its an old beautiful perfect racing game from Midway about really fast boats in the future. It was an awesome game. I still play it at the arcades when I have the chance. And it looked great when it was ported to the N64. Have Midway make you a new one. It will rocketh hard.
12. Allow Hal Laboratory to produce more games for your consoles. They are an amazingly talented division who know how to make extremely fun experiences and get the most out of a system. Have them develop a Mario game. That should produce some interesting results!
13. A new Ikaruga must be made. If not, then a new Metal Slug or R-Type game. Arcade shooters are becoming rarer, but the good ones always sell well. Don’t let the genre die, man!
Right-O!
Thats all I have to jabber about tonight.
Happy New Year. May 2005 be lot less stupid than 2004. A lot less.
Please donate cash to Tsunami victims. PLEASE! |
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Everyone can see........we're simply meant......to be........ |
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posted by
ZekeyLizard
25:12:04
8:58am
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MERRY CHRISTMAS! HAPPY HANNUKAH! SOMETHING KWANZAA!
Gyup gyup gyup. Tis Christmas day! I haven't missed it after all! I feel happy as a clam! Giddy as a school boy!
*throws open the window*
You there, boy! Take this sixpence and buy the biggest turkey in town!
Are you feeling all right Mr.Zekey? Did you take your medication?
Oh, it's you Billy! Well merry christmas! I'm greeting everyone this fine rainy cold day in Florida! Its 40 degrees outside but that won't dampen my mood! And guess what? I actually got gifts this year from my estranged relatives!
Behold:
Boo yah! I didnt think I was going to get anything. Seeing as I had asked for nothing. Anyways. I am sure you are wondering what I actually DID for christmas. Well, first I went caroling. We dont usually have carolers in florida. But I decided now was a good time to start. And so I crossed several busy intersection howling music at the top of my lungs.
This angered a few people. But finally someone gave in and let me inside of their house for cookies. An odd old man named Lou. Unfortunately, Lou's "idea" of cookies were severed fingers. I dont know where he got them, but I turned down his offer and got the hell out of there.
I soon made my way to a typical college christmas party. I was soon quite intoxicated on some form of liquid drink and found myself doing the 'charleston' on top of some guys roof wearing a chicken suit and a sombrero on my head.
I fell off the roof. When I awoke I was lying outside of a church. In fact, it was my own church that I had been neglecting. So I wandered inside and instantly had a very good time. There was lovely music, singing, and a wonderful sermon by my old Pastor.
Then I went home and listened to the theme song from "The Rocketeer" a few times before I went to sleep. A very hallucinatory sleep, mind you. My cardboard-box house was just painted. And the fumes have done messed up my brain banana.
I didn't get my Nintendo DS. So I'll just have to save up 150 bucks and purchase it myself. Hopefully I can get a decent job at this pharmacy I'm applying for and actually make some decent cash.
mad world...... |
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Drummin' on a trashcan. Strummin' on a streetlight. |
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posted by
ZekeyLizard
22:12:04
5:35am
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Today my friend Nim% had surgery. On his ear. For a while now his ear had been annoying him due to some sort of spastic nerve/muscle deep in his inner ear which stopped him from being able to hear loud noises. So I went to visit him and he has a large white disk strapped his noggin to protect his ear. The operation seems to have been a success. So woo and yay for him. We watched “Shaun of the Dead” and then made nacho’s and then watched some video off of Ebaum’s World. I expect Nim will be playing DDR again in no time.
Now, to less important and mildly asinine matters. I want to talk about a video-game character whose reputation has been destroyed by the replacement fathers who bore him. He is a character who has been around for more than a decade. Known to all. Famous as Mario, or Sonic, or any other popular mascot character. I am here to give out my “Mega Man Rant” forthwith.
December 16, 1987.
Mega Man is released. It is a simple game about a man named Dr.Light fighting against the wicked Dr. Wily and his robots of evil. Dr.Light in a “gheppeto” like state, creates a robot to fight for good named “MegaMan”
Now, fly ahead a few years. Megaman is celebrated as a video game mascot. Things are going good. He has a few friends now. Zero and Roll, and a few others who make his world a bit more human. Soon it has become a cult classic. And then the MegamanX series began. Megaman got an awesome new tachno-look. It helped continue the story and make the games wonderful. There were a bunch of these. Sadly these games have dropped by a huge amount in popularity as of late which adds to my theory that most people who play video-games these days are idiots. Fools! Now due to the games popularity heading downhill, Capcom, who owned the license, decided it was time to do something new. Now, at this point in time, the Playstation and Nintendo64 were out and doing splendidly.
And so, Megaman was brought into 3D. The story had changed slightly. Megaman was more human than robot now, Roll was a human girl, and everyone lived on flying spaceships on a flooded watery world. Megaman was OK in 3D. The games were good. And it had an interesting look overall with a hyper-anime style. The bad guys changed a bit. Megaman had a new enemy. A girl named Tron Bonne. She belonged to a large family and made such an entertaining bad guy, Capcom gave her a game of her own. Filled with servbots everywhere the eye could see.
Yes. Those were nice times for the Megaman franchise. The 3D megaman games died off, but the MegamanX games continued. Their popularity died. And most Megaman faded into the dark. The only tiny spark of light were the Megaman Zero games that were popping out every couple of years.
But then something happened. Something that should not ever have happened, but despite my pleas it happened anyway. Something awful. But its no so much what happened as to why. Now ‘why’ is what I will be tackling.
Pokemon came out quite a few years ago. It was a phenomenol game. It still is, despite it’s overtly-cute image. It’s a game about enslaved beasts tearing each other apart to grow stronger by fighting. Yet somehow it was the “gotta catch em’ all” aspect of this game that made it popular.
Now some genius somewhere said “Hey! Why make the things kids catch real creatures? What if.....the creatures were imaginary?”
“Yeah...but the game is already imaginary. How can we have fantasy within fantasy? And why?”
“Because we could make a whole card game featuring creatures from Pokemon!”
“But we don’t....make pokemon.”
“Then we’ll hire some 2-bit artists and have them come up with NEW monsters!”
And so, the shitty franchise known as Yu-Gi-Oh was born as the bastard children of Japanese businessmen. Now these, sadly, also became popular amongst stupid small children and made lots of cash. And soon OTHER companies started making their own card games to try to beat Yu-Gi-Oh. Shite like Duel Masters and the “Inu-Yasha Card Game” were created simply for the sole purpose of eating consumers money without providing any entertainment.
Now these are still around today. And they are still popular I assume, or else the companies that produce these crappy juvenile games would have killed them off years ago. But no. Soon other video game franchises tried to make their own card battling games. Crap like “Phantasy Star Version 3" and “Mario Party E-Card” came out and basically killed off their own franchises. Sadness. Pain. Rejection. Famine.
The Capcom did something unforgivable. They decided to take the card-battling-pokemon-ripoff concept and apply it to their mascot character. And so they did. The basics of these horrible games, the basics of all RPGs, and Megaman were all thrown inside of a cauldron constructed from the skins of 100 stillborn babies. They were stewed together with a ladel made of Hitler’s prostate gland. And out of the steaming fecal sludge came a man. A man who claimed he was Megaman. But he was not the man we had grown to love. Oh no. For this man was not a robot. He was a program inside of a card. And he was owned by yet another generic anime boy with a hat who was basically a ripoff of Ash from Pokemon.
And they dared to call them the “Mega Man Battle Network”
Quite possibly the most abysmal games that have ever been created. Sickening in appearance. Megaman was no longer a cool cyborg with a canon for a hand. No, now he was a preteen in a blue 80's jumpsuit with a miner’s helmet on, and huge cowboy boot. Roll was no longer the helpful human girl who befriended Megaman. No, now she is a card as well. And they took away what made Megaman an awesome robot. They took away his gun. I realize we live in times where guns are considered snafu, but really. That was a step too far. Behold the ungodly demon who would destroy what little respect was left for Capcom:
Why Capcom? Why? You have lost all my respect for you. You make promises you constantly break. You have made these horrible Battle Network games. And what’s worse is that you have stopped trying. There is NO difference in graphics, gameplay, or barely any storyline between these Battle Networks. They all use the same damn sprites, enemies and backrounds. You’re just slinging them together without any thought other than making money. You have killed your own character. MegamanX 8 just came out. It won’t sell hardly any like the past MegamanX games.
But you know what Capcom? I will buy it. Because I know they are kickass entertaining games. I hate seeing what you have become. You have become a bad recreations company. Is “Killer 7" ever going to come out, Capcom? Why does “Viewtiful Joe 2" contain the exact same bosses as the first one, Capcom? Why haven’t you made a good fighter since “Marvel versus Capcom 2"? Why are you killing yourselves slowly? What happened to striving to make entertaining games? Hell, if it weren’t for the fact you keep making “Megaman Zero” games for the Game Boy Advanced, I’d lose all faith in you completely.
At least I can still count on Namco and Konami.
Sorry about this whole blog entry being a gigantic rant, but it needed to be said. If gamers keep buying bad games, and don’t start reading magazines to know what to avoid, we will forever be stuck in this industry that is slowly becoming as original as vanilla tree bark.
Zekey out. |
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Sniff you jerks later... |
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posted by
ZekeyLizard
15:12:04
8:44pm
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(O_o)
Yeah. That's what happens when I'm bored in Photoshop class. Of course, it's not a bad class at all. I have learnt alot about getting good textures out of a flat color. I have taken this knowledge and applied it to JASC PaintShopPro8 and come off with pretty damn good results. Check out this Grinch:
Yeah, verily. I bring to thee a website from people you know and yet don't know. You've seen the commercials by these guys, but I doubt you've ever seen their website. Here they are. Alot of great people are part of that site.
Now, some of you might recall from a few entries ago about my squirrel problem. Hideous bushy-tailed mammalian vermin were attempting to culminate guerilla attacks upon my birds. Well, they have been thwarted, quite possibly forever.
Now. The reason the squirrels kept getting in to feast upon my bird's nourishments was because the screen of the patio is full of holes. Lots of holes. From the "rat infestation of 2000" as we call it around these parts. The Squirrels took advantage of these holes. Thus, the holes were their weakness. And now the holes are gone. Replaced by a new fancy screen that no one may pass through.
The Best things in Life are free. Which is true. Watching a squirrel run around outside and seeing its sad frustrated attempts to get inside my patio are a joy to watch. It hates me, oh yes. Because each time it climbs up the screen, I am there to smack it and watch it fly through the air and crash into the yard. It then turns, hisses at me in a foul satanic tongue, and scampers up the tree again. Hohoho!.
Now, as everyone except some atheists possibly know, Christmas and Hanukkah are here! Which means people trampling others to get a toy, bums being dragged into malls and dressed up to play Santa, highly overpriced MP3 players, famine, death, destruction, and the good ol' christmas spirit! =D
So what are the BIG toys this year that everyone wants?
These:
First off is the Robo-Sapien:
I have actually played with one of these. They are nice. But they run on batteries. Lots of them. They're like Furbies on crack. But they are very interactive. Lots of controls. You can make it walk, jog, dance, pick things up, throw things through the air. Lots of stuff. Its the poor-man's Asimo. The only sad thing is that this robot is a toy and its so much more advanced than NASA's robot which can only go up stair and is 8 feet tall. Sigh.
Fun Factor: B
Next Toy is the YMCA Elmo:
Wow. Yeah. I can see this selling really well. It appears our friend Elmo has finally come out of the closet. Well, good for him. Personally, any toys that sing music from the "Village People" scare the living hell out of me. Also, thats all it does. It just sings and moves its arms and gyrates its hips. Crap incarnate.
Fun Factor: D-
Next "toy" is the Apple IPOD:
This annoys me. Look there is nothing wrong with liking music alot. There is nothing wrong with having MP3's on your harddisk/harddrive. There IS however a problem with having loud electric noise being wretched into your brain non-stop for 6-7 hours at a time. If we have anything to blame for the decreasing amount of brain cells in this country, we can't just blame television. IPOD needs some blame too. Alot of blame.
Fun Factor: C
Next Toy is the Schwinn Electric Scooter:
What's worse then running over a pedestrian on a scooter who isn't looking where they're going? When that pedestrian is 11 years old. Yeah, I see no problems coming from this toy at all. At least its a scooter. And scooters kick ass. Like vespas. Soooo.....
Fun Factor: A-
Next Toy is this thing:
Same problem as the toy above. As dangerous as a scooter is, it's nowhere near the dangers of a motorcycle. But here we have one made for 7-year-olds. All we need to add now is a mullet, beer belly, and blow-up doll tied the back and the playset will be complete.
Fun Factor: C-
Next toy is the Barbie Shopping Cart:
First off, I hate Barbie. It shows little girls that if they aren't blond, tall, huge-breasted, and weigh less than a ounce that no one will ever love them. It enforces a horribly negative stereotype. So much pink. God! But this is the worst thing ever. A shopping cart? What the flying fuck, Mattel?
"Ooh! A woman's job is to shop at the store and prepare food at home and wear an apron!"
Sickening.
Fun Factor: F--
Next toy is a fake shotgun:
"Ay! Cletus Jr! Guess wot yer pa bot yew fer christmas!"
"Oh boy, daddy! my own shotgun! now i can shoot folks like you!
Fun Factor: F-----------------
And our last toy on the list is this:
"What is it" you may ask. It's a random toy I found on the internet. Its a hideous rendition of St.Nick. Except now if you wind him up, he spins his arm wildly dinging a bell. Not only does this induce headaches and festering internal rage, it also is wonderfully hazardous. Whoop! Little Susy has had her whole arm lopped off from Santa's furious music. Seriously. This is the shittiest toy I have ever seen. So sad.
Fun Factor: no letter has been invented that can describe my loathing for this sad dysfunctional crap.
But enough of my toy reviews. I dont want anything really for christmas this year besides a Nintendo DS. I have most everything I need. My family.
Now, if you'll excuse me, I must turn off the oven before the turkey inside reanimates itself from the gamma-radiation and decides to attack Tokyo.
Toodle-ee-doo!
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Random Link: |
Nebulus
Flash verion of fantastic C64 game |
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